Log #14 (Faith)

Faith... What is it all for? Why go through all of this? Why do people suffer? Why do bad things happen to good people.

I hope you will bare with my train of thought this evening as I work toward my point...

When everything seems to be going wrong we want to believe there's a reason behind it. We want to blame our setbacks on something or someone. When there is no other explanation for our problems we are sometimes prone to think we are cursed.

Some people believe that when bad things happen it's because God is displeased with them. Some how they are being punished for past sins or maybe they'll go so far as to believe that God hates them. All their evil deeds must be destroyed.

This does not hold true for the embezzler who steals investors' money and lives a life of luxury in Cancun and dies when he's 92. It doesn't explain the serial killer or the child abductor who's never caught. There are many Tyrants in history who lived long lives and turned over their kingdoms to their children.

Therefore good and bad things happen to evil people in the same way that it does good people. To get into a discussion about a judgment in an afterlife has no bearing on the here and now. It only serves to give us a sense of peace that in some way there is justice.

It is human nature to seek absolutes. We want to label things as either good or bad, black or white, happy or sad, punishment or reward, and right or wrong. We want everything to be cut and dry. We establish laws and maintain order. Everything is to be in it's place with an explanation and for a reason. From the minute a small child asks why, categorization begins.

In our need for answers we ask our Scientists to look for reasons and explanations while Doctors are to seek look for causes and cures.

When something falls outside of our knowledge or understanding we want to believe that the answers will come some how. We want this life be guided by something more than just chance. Chance is a chaotic demon that leaves his nest of fear and flies into the night of despair to send his fireball of affliction slamming into anyone who happens to be in his way.

That is a scary way to live for anyone, so we look for answers to explain why things happen the way they do so we can arm ourselves with knowledge and slay the workings of chance.

No matter how much we wish it were not so, some things just can't be explained so who is it that most people in the world blame? Whom or whatever their God is.

Example: Why did God, who is supposed to be full of perfect love, why did he let all those innocent people die in that earthquake? Another person could look at the same situation and say, "Those must have all been wicked people so God destroyed them."

Is he a God of wrath or a God of love? From the example above, some may conclude that since neither answer can justify the result, their must not be a God or some other Higher Power at all.

Now to my point...

Today I sat in the examination room of a Pain Management Doctor looking for answers and help. Instead I walk away with more questions than answers. I had a doctor two days ago tell me I could have fibromyalgia and the doctor today, who went over all the same information, says I probably don't. Don't get me wrong, I liked the doctor I met today. He has a plan that follows mine and that is to reduce my medications as much a possible while giving me the best quality of life I can have. What bothers me is that there are still a lot of things that doctors can't explain and even when they can't explain it they give you a drug with the hope that it will fix it or at least make the symptoms less severe.

If I used this same method in other areas in life I would laughed at and called a fool. Suppose my car's engine is making a lot of noise--much more than it is supposed to. I, knowing nothing about cars, but also knowing that a blanket over my head will dull the noise so I open the hood of my car and pack blankets in there. Sure the sound may be muffled, but have I fixed the car? I may thinks so until the blankets catch on fire and destroy my car.

Every doctor I've met for my back problems, groin pain, fatigue and restless legs has used the blanket method. They dull the pain, but the problems isn't getting fixed.

So with no explanation and no solutions in sight with my quality of life severely impaired, who should I blame, if anyone? Not myself because I took pretty good care of myself and let an active life until my body started failing me. I can't blame the doctors for not knowing what they're doing or for causing these problems. So who does that leave to take the full force of the blame?????

NO ONE!!!! I truly believe in God and I truly believe that only in very rare occasions does he step in either to fix or to cause problems. We are here to become the best people we can be in spite of a world filled with imperfections. My problems now are attributed to an accident at work. Sure God could have stopped it from happening or healed me afterward, but what good would that do really. Unless I taste the bitter, I'll never know what the sweet tastes like.

Everything on this earth happens for a reason and that reason boils down to one simple fork in the road upon which everything else hangs... What am I going to do about it? Will I give up and live a miserable life and cause the people around me to suffer or will I lift myself up and bring joy to those around me.

God set this world in motion with imperfections on purpose. He gave us DNA that could mutate for a purpose. This world full of terrible disasters is for a purpose...

What are you going to do about it? Are you going to rise above it and be a better person or are you going to LET YOURSELF be crushed under it's weight.

For me... Well, I've got some growing to do yet. Sometimes the later seems so appealing, but I know the man I am and I refuse to succumb to such despair.

As long as there is a God in Heaven, I will find a way to draw upon his love and strength.