One of the biggest adjustments that comes along with Chronic Pain is the social aspect. I'm not a very social person to begin with, but when I look at how much interaction I had with other people while I was working I can see that I really enjoyed that part of my life. My work as a Mechanical Engineer was stressful and challenging. I had difficult people I had to work with, but I was also around some of the best people I've ever met. Even with all of the difficulties, my job and the company I worked for was the best I'd ever had. Basically what I'm saying is that I really miss it. I enjoyed a position of respect and I was valued. In this bad economy when the company I worked for is laying off engineers, they continue to keep me on medical leave and they want me back.
I haven't told them yet that I may not be because I hold out the hope that things will change for me. The idea that I woke up one day and said, "I don't want to work anymore," is completely false. In truth, it took some time to reach the conclusion that, "I CAN'T work anymore." There is a BIG difference between those two statements. One is born of laziness and the other is the result of circumstance.
When I hear of someone who is still working even though they have a lot of problems, I envy them. As much as I want to, I can't for a number of reasons. Physically I'd be in too much pain, but if I took enough pain killers to deal with it, then my mind wouldn't function. Just driving to work would endanger myself and the other drivers on the road.
The other social aspect of life that takes a hit is just being able to do things with friends and family. I'm referring here to family that lives in other cities. For instance, my sister's mother-in-law died last week and the funeral is tomorrow. I would like to be there just to show support for my sister and her husband, but I can't make the trip. My niece recently had a baby and I'd like to go see her, but I can't. Trips that I wouldn't think twice about taking before my condition became so bad, I now have to avoid. My friends and relatives love me and they want me to share in their lives. There are somethings I would have no choice, but to go. I just hope those things don't happen for a long time to come.
Losing these social experiences makes life more tough than the pain sometimes.
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