Log #38 (Sex)

First of all, I'm feeling better today. My throat is still very sore and my nose is still stuffy/runny and draining down my throat into my lungs, but over all I'm feeling better. That's good because now I can get back to writing more in my blog.

Now for the subject that most of us love, but are afraid to talk about... SEX.

How does chronic pain affect the person's sex life?

I will not go into personal details and I will refrain from anything graphic so I hope everyone will be comfortable reading this. In a way, I'll be kind of generic.

In the early stages of my pain, before it became a chronic ongoing occurrence, my sex life wasn't affected much. It meant waiting until another night in some cases, but truthfully speaking, the excitement of sex releases endorphins into the blood stream and those are natural pain killers. I may sound weird, but look it up. Endorphins aren't the best pain killers in the world, but they sure help!! You would be surprised at how much pain it can mask so next time your spouse complains about a headache you can tell them you have the best remedy. Endorphins are also good in relieving depression and stress for short periods of time. Endorphins are a natural self-preservation mechanism.

Imagine this... A young warrior of the Scottish Highlands has a wife, but no children. A battle rages between the clans out on the mores not far away from the village he struggles to protect. The battle is won, but our young warrior is mortally wounded. The adrenalin and endorphins are pumping through his body by a strong and vigorous heart.
He rushes home to share the good news with his wife, but he's yet to realize that a serious wound is sapping the life from his body. Husband and wife rush into each other's arms as he enters his small stone cottage with a grass covered roof. In the excitement and heat of the moment the young couple does what has been done for centuries--the act that perpetuates the human race.

After the peak of passion has been reached the young man rolls over on his back and notices that he's starting to feel very cold. As the endorphins ware off the pain begins to pierce his side just above the hem of his kilt around his side and to his back. He reaches a hand down to find a steady stream of blood has soaked the entire side of his kilt as darkness closes in and his spirit is grabbed by the hands of eternity and carried away. He is gone, but in nine months his widowed wife will bare a son that will carry on his father's name.

I used this story to illustrate the point that the body does it's best to preserve, heal, and alleviate pain. It does this keep us alive, but the fact that the body releases pain killing endorphins during sex (my own theory) is an age old way to perpetuate the human race even when people are suffering from all kinds of injuries and illnesses.

Now that I've written all that, I can say that endorphins don't do a lot for severe pain, but it helps. Chronic pain, especially when it involves problems revolving around the spine, can hinder or even stop a person's sex life. It requires changes in how sex is approached. The things that at one time were done naturally and easily become difficult. These changes can cause the person with chronic pain to feel like they are less competent and good as a lover.

In my case, I can say that it has been a source of concern and some depression as my abilities dropped off, but now my wife and I have adjusted and I don't feel so bad. I've also learned that the pain that comes afterward is more than it was before the act, but it's a price well worth it.

There are some however, that lose their sex life all together and it leads to all kinds problems in the marriage and sometimes divorce.

The other problem that comes from chronic pain and the pain medications is that sex drive and desire drops off. It is difficult to think about sex and get in the mood for romance when you have sharp pains stabbing you in different parts of the body. It is hard to think about sex when you get depressed about all the problems you face. Lastly, it's hard to think about sex when you take a ton of pain medications and in some cases those pills affect your ability to reach the peak.

I hope I covered that well. If anyone who reads this blog has any questions for me then feel free to ask in the "comments" section and I'll do my best to answer. I encourage you to write your opinions, reactions, and personal experiences because it helps people to see different sides of the same cube.