Log #65 (Here We Go Again)

For the most part it was a tolerable day early on. My groin has been the worst problem for me since Thursday, but I got better than usual sleep last night after taking some Ambian before going to bed.

Yesterday, with the comments the doctor made, I left the office not knowing what I should do about continuing with Lyrica. He wouldn't say either way if I should keep taking it or not because I couldn't really tell him if it was doing me any good. I was feeling better up until a few weeks ago when I wrestled the angel of death (fibromyalgia) in the middle of the night. After that... I just wasn't sure.

Well, since I couldn't get a feel for what the doctor wanted to do except get a blood test for hormone levels before he could commit to the idea I have fibromyalgia, my wife and I talked about it and I decided to taper off the Lyrica. For the time being, I will continue to think I have fibro until I'm told otherwise. The number of symptoms I've had for years just add up too much and point in that direction. Maybe my testosterone levels are lower because of the pain meds and that is causing it's own set of problems, but a lot of the things I've felt over the last ten years or more have nothing to do with testosterone levels. If I've had low testosterone for all this time, then heaven help my wife when my levels are normal.

After my surgery I took Lyrica for a month and like I wrote before, I didn't know why I was taking it then. The only opinion I had of the medicine then was that the withdrawals from it were horrible. The doctor thought was strange because Lyrica isn't supposed to have withdrawal symptoms. The only thing I could say positive about it was that I slept better while taking it.

Now that I can objectively look back with the perspective I have now, the withdrawals weren't that at all... What I was feeling was the intensity of the fibro after not having it for a while, or so I think. It seems to be confirmed today because this morning I skipped my first dose and by early this evening I started feeling like crap. Around 5:00pm I started getting that really weird feeling in the pit of my lower back, which is where the "attacks" usually start. From there it spreads until I feel aches all over my body, especially in my upper arms.  Now it's late in the evening/early morning hours and I hurt all over with a terrible headache and I'm hoping it goes away soon without getting any worse.

Now that I'm thinking about it I want to make a comment about how this is not a problem that's reared it's wicked head only after the onset of my back problems and taking the pain medications. This weird feeling that starts in my low back has been driving me nuts for years. Literally speaking. Whenever it would happen and I would feel it spread up my back to the base of my skull and bleed through my scalp, I thought I was going crazy. Seriously and utterly crazy. I thought this was the first signs I was going bonkers and I was too afraid to say anything about it to anyone, including my wife.

I have complained about feeling sick and having that ache all over my body, thinking I was coming down with a cold. I can't even count how many times I said this kind of thing to my wife and then never actually got a cold. Sometimes I'd feel that way in the morning, but by lunch I felt okay and didn't say a word about it. Why should I? I thought I was escaping a cold. How could I know it was really something else?

One thing I never wanted to be called was a hypochondriac. That is a word I totally hate because when you know you're feeling stuff and people look at you like, "No way. You can't be sick. There's nothing wrong with you." Eventually I stopped telling people half of the things I felt because I didn't want to be a crazy hypochondriac. Now it almost makes me mad to think that I punished myself for feeling things that couldn't be explained and for being crazy. Now that I know there was something to this all along, and the looks I received when I DID complain, I makes me angry that I let people make me feel like an idiot.

I feel really sorry for all those people through out history who have felt legitimate illness and pain and have been labeled with mental problems by those who were too ignorant to believe what the sufferers were going through. I doesn't appear that anyone has learned from history because there still isn't enough information out there for people to think any differently. It sucks that people have to suffer in silence for fear of being labeled!

PLEASE MAKE COMMENTS!!!! If you have similar experiences then please write them here. It may help someone else when you write your point of view. ANY comment, question, or suggestion is appreciated!!!