Log #60 (My Personal Angel)

I can see way some people using Lyrica gain a lot of weight. Dang! It's like being hungry 24/7!!

I have gone from having low apatite to full on ravenous hunger. I am weight conscious so I have to put off the urge and go hungry most of the day. I've been eating smaller portions when my appetite was lower so my stomach shrank. Now when I eat, I get full with the small portion like before, but 15 minutes after I'm done I start getting hungry again.

So lets see here... Little to no sex drive... Constant hunger... almost no improvement in the fibromyalgia symptoms... Why am I taking Lyrica again? Just more reasons why I should change to something else.

The main reason for keeping a daily log of pain is to catalog what each day is like for me so I'm obligated to say something along those lines without making it boring for you, the reader. Except for the fibromyalgia, each day is pretty much the same as far as the type of pain is concerned. What changes is the level. For example: I have nerve pain in my groin and legs every day, but one day I may be able to get up and help with the laundry where the next it almost hurts to much to get out of bed.

I have an Aunt that has a lot of back problems and has has numerous back surgeries. She stated it well in one of her emails when she said she has two types of days; good pain days and bad pain days. That pretty much sums it up. The pain is always there. It's there when I stand. It's there when I sit. It's there when I walk. It's there when I lay down. It's there every waking moment and it's there when I try to sleep. The only change is how much I have to cope with.

What I would really like to talk about tonight is related to my pain, but is related to easing it rather than contributing to it... My wife.

I can honestly say that all of the women I've had relationships with and that I am generally attracted to are very caring women. Their eyes reflect what is in their soul and that is a desire to take care of other people. So it is no wonder that from the moment I first saw my wife before we met I just knew that she had a kind heart and was a nurturer. It amazes me how much she exceeded my expectations though.

She works at a home for Alzheimer and dementia patients and she spends all day seeing that the get their showers or baths, get dressed and fed, and have their daily needs met. This includes cleaning up their messes when they're sick and changing diapers. She takes a personal interest in each of their lives and gets to know the ones that are there just because they are old and are biding their time until they die.

I really don't know how she does that all day and then comes home to take care of the rest of us. I especially don't know how she can care for those aging people, get close to them, and then watch them die, which is what happened to one of her residents over the weekend. She has a ton of inner strength and she enjoys her job in spite of those kinds of set backs.

I don't know how she can deal with me when my pain is too much and I'm cranky or when the medication makes me irritable. She even finds ways to get me out of those moods. In short, especially on days like today, she amazes me. She loves me and that is a very tough job. I'm a pretty good guy with a good attitude most of the time, but I'm also suffering a lot and I try not to make it sound like I'm complaining when I tell her how I feel. It takes a strong woman to hear this coming from the man she loves every day. I know I would do the same for her, but still, I'm the one that's being taken care of and it bothers me that she has so many burdens on her shoulders. It is hard to do what I can to ease her burdens and sometimes I make it worse for her because I end up in more pain. I can't do nothing for her so it's rough when doing something actually back fires.

I just needed to write this down for everyone to read. Without her support, patients, and love this blog would not be possible and even more than that, my life would be unbearable. I don't think I'll ever be able to give back to her all that she has given to me. I am a very lucky man!!! I can't count all of the stories I've read about people with chronic pain who have had their spouses leave them. I can admit that some of those marriages would have failed regardless, but most of those failed as a direct result of the chronic pain and the mood changes that the condition and medications bring about. I really wish that everyone in this similar circumstance could have the support that I have.

I love you Wildflower!!!

PLEASE MAKE COMMENTS!!!! If you have similar experiences then please write them here. It may help someone else when you write your point of view. ANY comment, question, or suggestion is appreciated!!!