Log #76 (It's All Timing)

Over all it's been a "good pain day" (as my Aunt Margo would say).

The withdrawals weren't so bad today and I hope I've turned the corner as far as that is concerned. It's been about 30 hours and counting since my last Oxycontin and I hope I don't have to take another one for a long time to come. Before I get to the main thing I want to write there is one more thing on this subject I should say. Even though I'm dropping the Oxycontin and Lyrica will follow soon after, I have to keep those prescriptions active. Medical MJ is the reason why I can get rid of those things, but if I ever go out of the state I can't take the MJ with me. That means I'll have to rely on my old medication once again while I travel. This can be a big problem for people who travel a lot, but right now I don't leave the city much less the state.

Okay... Now the subject that has been on my mind this evening...

Chronic Pain is like a bad house guest that you can't get rid of. It is an entity of it's own. Once it moves in you have to build your schedule around it. When you depend on medication to relieve pain or have to do enemas to go to the bathroom, it's hard to work around that. That stuff, for most people, isn't on a set schedule where you take your pills at a certain time during the day. On good days I can go longer between pain medication than I can on bad.

What this equates to is having things you plan for take a back seat to what the pain dictates. Some things get cancelled completely because of pain or the medication. This is difficult for everyone it touches.

Most of us want to live by routines because we don't like change. Most of us don't like negative surprises either. We build our lives around schedules; always somewhere to be and something to do. The problem with Chronic Pain is that it slows everything down and sometimes puts a stop to it all together.

Things that I used to do quickly, like rushing to answer the phone when it's left on the other side of the house, is now a difficult task. Sometimes I can't get to the phone before the person on the other end hangs up. Things that seem to take no thought start to require mental exertion. Things that were once easy for me to remember are now way to easy to forget.

The person with Chronic Pain is frustrated because the little things become difficult while those around that person are frustrated by not being able to do anything about it. I know it's a little too easy for me to get upset when things aren't going my way and I get irritable faster than I ever have in the past. I could take the easy way out and blame my getting irritable and upset on my pain or medications. That is part of the reason, but as long as I have rational thought I need to take responsibility for my moods and fight against my problems in a positive way.

The person with Chronic Pain should not expect everyone to know how the pain or the pills are affecting us; in reality they don't know very much. This means that the person with Chronic Pain needs to have compassion for those who are trying to help us and part of that compassion is trying not to pass our frustrations on to them. Half of the time I don't tell my wife and family what I'm dealing with because I don't want them to get sick of hearing it while not being able to do anything about it. I also don't want them to get overwhelmed with the enormity of what I feel. So when I'm frustrated and irritable I need to remind myself that they are not the real cause of my problem and I need to remind myself that they just don't know everything I'm facing both mentally and physically.

Severe depression, anxiety, and frustration plagues a lot of people with Chronic Pain so I really hope that the people who read this blog will see that both the afflicted and the caregiver need to strive to be more patient and communicate better with each other. This whole thing is hard enough as it is and no one should have to go through it alone because of unkind words or feelings.

Good night all!


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