Daily Log #5 (Thankful)

I would like to thank everyone for the emails of support I've received these last few days. It has helped me put things into better perspective.

I started this blog so I could feel like I was doing something to contribute. By putting things on "paper" it helps ease the depression.

I would also like to say that I am taking Welbutrin for the depression and it has helped. I've been able to see a therapist, but now Workman's comp has denied further visits. So until my lawyer works that out this will be the place that I vent.

I am a blessed man. I have a wonderful wife and kids and right now we're able to survive better than most people in this situation. If it wasn't for the knowledge that my family and friends love me, my church supports me, but most of all God will help me get through this, if not for these things I would have given up hope. So I keep going with this load of depression on my shoulders know that all of this pain and associated trials are for a reason.

Having said all that, I should point out that this blog focuses on the negative for a reason. I have to write all of these bad things so the person who reads can identify and maybe feel better knowing that someone else feels the same way. The other reason is for the family member or friend of someone who's suffering. I could gloss over things and make a joke of all this, but who does that serve? No one! I don't want any one's pity or sympathy. That is not my purpose. I simply have to be straight forward so that the truth can be known.

Daily Log #4 (Pain Medication)

There wasn't much going on today. No mail to worry about because of President's Day.

My kids were home from school and playing video games most of the time. In the past, I would have wanted to go somewhere whenever they had a day off. Even if it was to play catch or something. Instead, I spent the day working on my novel.

On a normal day, when the kids are at school and my wife is at work, I get up around 8:30am. Even if I don't get much sleep the night before I'll get up early most days. Our dog requires a lot of attention and she won't let me sleep in too long. She'll jump on the bed and start hitting me with her paw to wake me up. I'm up earlier to make sure my kids are getting ready for school, but once they leave I try to get some more sleep.

When I get up I'll go get a bowl of cereal for breakfast if my wife hasn't made some oatmeal for me and left it on the counter. I go back to bed and turn on my laptop while I eat and I check on all my games (two) that I have going on Facebook. I'll go through my email too.

When that's all done I get up to take my morning medications and take a shower. There is no way my day feels like it's started until I take a shower. I love hot showers!!! I used to take showers for twenty or thirty minutes (until the hot water ran out) and because I was usually up and out of the house for work before anyone else got up the shower was my way of going over the things had had to do that day. Now my showers are just long enough to wash my hair and clean up with some soap. My groin starts hurting the minute I stand up and putting weight on my legs starts the pain shooting through them. So by the time my shower is finished, I am too, so I take another pain pill around then. I usually don't shave because that requires standing up longer so my beard can get a little rough sometimes.